Photos
When my 18 year-old daughter arrived home for spring break in March of 2012, she made an Acton bucket list of sorts.
At the top of Jackie’s list: go to Town Hall to register to vote.
This coming November, she’ll make the trek from Chestnut Hill to the RJ Grey Junior High gym to cast her first ballot.
Jackie won’t be at the dinner table participating in “election talk” with her political-junkie dad this fall. She won’t be at the high school listening to Mary Price Maddox explain the complexities of the issues. But I have no doubt that she’ll be paying attention to the messages put forth by both the Democrats and the Republicans who hope to win her vote.
I am confident that my daughter will be able to discern most of the differences between the policies of Barack Obama and those of Mitt Romney. She’ll decide for herself which candidate’s views match most closely with her own before entering the polling booth.
There is one issue, though, that I predict will confuse her. It’s the pro-choice vs. pro-life debate.
Why? Because I am a grown woman and I can’t make sense of it.
It’s being said that there is a “War on Women.” What does that mean? Can that be true in 2012? Or is it a ploy to get every woman to vote for the liberal Democrat?
Full disclosure: I would never, ever, consider having an abortion. If I had become pregnant before I was capable of mothering, I would have given my baby up for adoption.
I would have been in the minority. There are over 1.2 million abortions performed in the U.S. each year. The number of infants that are given up for adoption? About 140,000.
With numbers like that, and all the attention to the issue in the media, one would think that the majority of Americans are pro-choice.
That’s not true.
What is true is that the latest Gallup polling on this issue found that 51% of Americans identify themselves as pro-life and consider abortion morally wrong.
Tuesday night, Rick Santorum spoke at the Republican National Convention. He mentioned his three year-old daughter Bella, who has needed medical treatment for a rare genetic disorder. When photos of sweet little Bella were shown, it was like shining a spotlight on Santorum’s commitment to preserve life.
After his speech, the news commentators were all abuzz about whether Santorum’s pro-life reference was part of a sound strategy…or a big mistake.
I wondered why, given the fact that pro-life proponents outnumber pro-choice advocates and the latter group is losing support, anyone would think Santorum could be making a political blunder.
Romney’s position on abortion is that he opposes it most cases but is in favor of making exceptions in the case of rape, incest, or threat to the mother’s life.
He has been quoted as saying it would be “wonderful” if Americans could "agree that we’re not going to have legalized abortion in the nation.”
That’s exactly how I feel about the issue, although I would encourage rape victims to consider bringing babies to term and fulfilling the dreams of loving infertile couples.
Does this mean that I want Roe vs. Wade overturned? Or that I think that the Republican party will ever succeed in doing that?
No on both counts.
What I do want to see is an increase in the number of infants given up for adoption. The only way for that to happen is for there to be a shift away from unwanted babies being quickly disposed of and toward young women being supported—financially and emotionally--through pregnancy and the surrender process.
I want to see the media, that sometimes-evil entity that informs social culture, get on board and make adoption as acceptable as raising babies out of wedlock and having abortions.
So what do I want my daughter to know?
I want her to know that I would I would love for her to enjoy a fulfilling consensual sexual relationship when she is old enough to handle all of the possible consequences. This means when she is able to take care of a child for at least 18 years or to carry a baby to term and put it up for adoption. Everyone knows that no birth control is 100% effective.
I want her to know that she should refrain from hooking up with young men she hardly knows in the name of freedom. Yes, it’s her body and since she is of age, she gets to decide. But there are ramifications of this behavior that I prefer she not experience.
I want her to know that being a single mother at a young age is a huge predictor of living in poverty.
I want her to know that, if one of her friends gets pregnant and shares an intent to put the baby up for adoption, she should encourage this.
I want her to know that I worked for Catholic Charities back when they provided infant placements. The best days there were ones when an adoptive couple came to pick up their baby and take him home. Every staff member cheered as the family walked out the agency’s front door to their new life. It happened two or three times a year at most; that wasn’t anywhere near often enough.
The most important thing that I want my bright, caring, witty daughter to know is that I can imagine her being part of an adoptive family, lighting up their world the way she’s lit up mine.
What I would never be able to bear is the thought of her not being here at all.
Is there really a War on Women? As we head to the polls in November, should the candidates’ views on Women’s Issues influence our votes?
Christine Russell
2:00 pm on Friday, August 31, 2012
I think it's wonderful that you have a clear sense of what is right for you and your family morally. I have a clear sense of what is right for me and my family morally. We do not start with the same premise that the small cellular structure growing inside of a woman's body has the same right to life as the woman herself. Until that cellular structure becomes viable (able to survive outside of the mother's womb) my belief is that it is not a person nor should it be given the rights of a person. My belief does not trump yours, and I would never force you to abort a fetus when it is against your morale and/or religious code. I should be granted the same respect towards my morale and/or religious code.
When men (the majority in the political spotlight on this subject) are censuring women legislators for saying the word vagina, suggesting that women have magical uteruses that can expel rape sperm, suggesting legislation that would force a woman to have a wand inserted into her vagina for an early term ultrasound, trying to restrict access to birth control pills, cutting off funding for Planned Parenthood where millions of low income women go for their annual mammograms and healthcare screenings, suggesting that a victim of rape must suffer 9 months of pregnancy against her will regardless of her personal feelings and the very real possibility that it will emotionally cripple her for life, etc., it does indeed feel to me like we have a war on women.
Jason Fitzgerald
4:24 pm on Friday, August 31, 2012
Thank you for this article Kathleen. I applaud your confidence in posting these comments in this political climate. The flippancy with the way pregnancy is treated is alarming and needs to change.
Liz Noonan
5:28 pm on Friday, August 31, 2012
This would be a lovely article if you had actually taken a moment to consider what giving birth to your rapists baby would be like. Imagine you are 15, 16, heck, 46 and you've been violated vaginally and now you have to push a baby out vaginally. Now imagine that you put that babies feelings above yours and now you have decided to hand that baby over to a complete stranger.
Now imagine how ALONE you would feel.
You make a good argument if being a rape victim means being a vessel to supply an infertile couple fulfill their dreams of being parents - but that's called surrogacy.
Let the person who has been raped decide, what to do, in private without your judgement please. And is there a war on women? Absolutely. Take a look at the statistics. They speak for themselves.
Cheryl Hayden
5:28 pm on Friday, August 31, 2012
As Christine pointed out (see above comment), the war on women is very real and involves a great deal more than the abortion issue. The centerpiece of the war on women is this notion that old, wealthy men have the right to dictate to women of all ages and economic strata the way in which their bodies will be treated. This is based on two fundamental falsehoods: 1) men are inherently more intelligent than women, and 2) women's bodies belong to men. Number one is demonstrably ridiculous and number two was made illegal about 150 years ago. It's time for these men to enter the enter the 21st century.
James
6:42 pm on Friday, August 31, 2012
I am pretty sure the author never said she wanted to decide anything for anyone. I am pretty sure she respectfully stated her views and the core of that view was that she was hoping more than 140k of 1.4 million unwanted pregnancies annually would end up in a adoption scenario. Is that not something most everyone on both sides can agree upon? That the woman with the choice (undisputed) could have all choices equally accepted and supported by our media and society. If supposedly reasonable people can't even consider that a reasonable hope, I would suggest they are not very reasonable.
Pamela Hervieux
12:45 pm on Saturday, September 1, 2012
This article seems written only for the teenage rape victim. What about the older, settled-in-her-life victim? The one who would have to explain to co-workers, neighbors, and strangers every day that she had been raped and is not keeping the baby every time she is offered congratulations. It seems to me that her trauma would be exacerbated on a daily basis. Yes, there are multitudes of childless couples seemingly ready to give their right arms for a child, but at whose expense? At some point, the rights of the unwilling mother must take precedence.
An Lai
5:12 pm on Saturday, September 1, 2012
The "war" is not on women...it is an almost 40 year war on the unborn, calling it a cellular mass, fetus etc. Has been an intentional plot to dehumanize human life. Look it up. Prior to 1973 there was a concerted effort to use such terms to make abortion seem less of a murder for that is what it truly is. Medical research has invented the " morning after" pill for rape victims to avoid pregnancy.
Tom McGonegal
9:20 pm on Saturday, September 1, 2012
I agree with Jason and applaud you Kathleen for your courage in writing such a heartfelt opinion in these days when abortion is such a divisive issue. I also agree with you Kathleen, and An Lai. I think all of the comments are well thought out by their authors, whether pro-life or pro-choice. We are all in this together and I'd like to think we would speak civilly to each other if we were to meet on the street. I wish we didn't have to use the word "war". Peace to all of you.
Kathleen Surdan
12:36 pm on Thursday, September 6, 2012
I appreciate all who have commented here. I also want to thank the 10 women who emailed me privately to share their positive reactions.
In regard to my notion that a rape victim might consider putting her baby up for adoption, of course I realize what an agonizing choice that would be. I did not say that I was against abortion under those circumstances.
I do believe, though, that assuming that a woman would NOT choose adoption, and criticizing anyone who suggested she might, is just as bad as condemning abortion. It's intolerance for the other side's point of view.
I can't be the only one who would feel that aborting a baby would add to the trauma, not relieve it. Some of us might feel that carrying the baby and seeing him placed for adoption was a positive outcome of a horrendous situation. It might be part of the healing process. Only the person in the situation should decide.
As far as telling people about the reason for the pregnancy, yes, that would be exceedingly difficult. I don't see why an "older, settled in her life" woman couldn't just say she was carrying the baby for an infertile couple and leave it at that.
Pamela Hervieux
11:18 am on Saturday, September 8, 2012
"Only the person in the situation should decide"
I believe that is the point we were all trying to make. It's honorable that you would 'never, ever consider having an abortion' ; that is your right and your choice. As the mother of four daughters ranging in age from 11-23, all I want is for them to have the choice to control their own reproduction. Should that mean they place a baby for adoption, that is their choice and I shall support it, as I would should they decide on abortion. What I would never ask is that they lie about their lives, or feel shame for their choices.
Rose J
11:22 am on Saturday, September 8, 2012
Kathleen, no disrespect intended, but "you don't see why" an older woman "couldn't just say she was carrying the baby for an infertile couple"? Do YOU know any such women? If such a woman, say, a middle-aged professional with grown children, decided on such an undertaking out of the blue (i.e. the lie you proposed about carrying a baby for an infertile couple), do you really think the people in her life would just "leave it at that"? Again, no disrespect meant, but your response is sorely lacking perspective and very, very out of touch.
patch
3:16 am on Friday, March 8, 2013
http://www.coachoutletpursesr.net/ cheap coach purses
http://www.coachfactorybagsc.org/ coach factory
http://www.coachfactorystoresr.net/ coach factory online
http://www.coachoutletstoreonline8u.com/ coach outlet store online
http://www.ltwco.com/ coach outlet online
http://www.outletsonlinemall.com/ coach factory outlet
http://www.bagsoutletfan.org/ coach purses
http://www.teoutlet.com/ coach factory online
http://www.coupon2014.net/ coach factory online