In denial that school starts this week?
Well whatever you do, don’t go on Pinterest and search for “back to school.”
Because if you have time to read this, you’re probably not busy building a kindergarten time capsule.
And I’m just going to go ahead and assume you haven’t “baked” a complicated back-to-school “cake” out of pencils and rulers and assorted Crayola products (unless, perhaps, you were “baked”).
Know the Back-to-School Fairy? Booked your house as a stop for the Magic Bus? Me neither.
And if someone’s hosting a neighborhood back-to-school tea, chances are good it’s not you.
Surely you’re not standing around your kitchen waiting for a batch of Red Candy Melts to, well, melt—so that you can dip Oreos into it and make a bouquet of “apple pops” to present to your kid’s teacher on the first day.
Individually wrapping pink erasers to hand out to your child’s classmates? It never would have occurred to you!
And I highly doubt you’ve got schoolbook-shaped mini-meatloaves on deck for your family’s Back-to-School-Eve Feast.
Placemats fashioned from chalkboard paper? Not your bag, I bet.
Three words not in your vocabulary: lunch box printables. (Nonetheless: You’re one smart cookie! Have a great first day, Smartie pants!)
Bento box space-planning that would make a CAD drafter drool? Yeah, you don’t know what anything in that sentence means.
Your husband—assuming you have one, of course—has yet to craft a poignant back-to-school blessing. (Besides which, it’s not clear to you why the father does all the bestowing in Pinterestland.)
First-day-of-school waffle bar accessorized with pennant banners in your kids’ school colors? You’ll get right on that … never.
But someone is doing this stuff. If it’s you: You make me itchy. You make me feel inadequate. You make me want to move into your guestroom for three or four months (just in time to catch your Switch Witch doing her thing and your elf hitting your shelf).
If, on the other hand, you have yet to access your inner June-Cleaver-on-Adderall, take comfort: there's something on Pinterest for us slacker moms, too. A back-to-school party, even. It’s DIY, involves printables and calls for elaborate food and drink. Naturally.
The theme? “TGIBTS: It’s like Christmas in the fall.”
I’ll bring the spiked eggnog.